Know Your Nigerian Political Dictionary...

While getting head from my girlfriend, I was thinking about my dead school mate and then, all of a sudden, I farted a big juicy stinky one...my girlfriend is nigerian, i guess u know the rest of the story. That was the begining of a 'not so fun' day. My dstv subscription had expired, almost 3 days now...i was left with viewing ait nd the likes, stuck here watching the news and omogbone wiliki ( did i get that right?) a popular news caster on ait came up with one of her usuals. I noticed the politicians were making sounds but they made more of noise to me rather than sense. I knew i had to blog about this....

KNOW YOUR POLITICAL DICTIONARY!!!

Senate: Presidential rubber stamp for unpopular laws and illegal constitutional ammendments.

Babacracy: Unitary system of Governnment headed by a powerful life President. Minimum age of 60 required. See also, Nigerian "democracy".

Chief: Traditional title sold by traditional rulers to the highest bidder.

Honorary degree: A "doctorate" degree confered on an individual by a higher Institution primarily as a form of political patronage.

Privatisation: Sale of public property to members of a countries' ruling political party and other sycophants.

BPE: Bureau of Private Enrichment. See also, Privatisation.

Runway: Recreation park for cattle

Democracy defenders: People who "oppose" the ruling party on the basis of their exclusion from revenue "sharing."

No-go-area: The real problem with a country that are not supposed to be discussed while trivial matters are being discussed. See also, Federalism, resource control, e.t.c

Court order: Worthless piece of paper that is not binding on the Presidential and Legislative arms of government.

Sacred cows: Members of the ruling party of a nation.

Universities: Nigerian synonym for glorified secondary schools. Here are a few www.covenantuniversity.edu.ng www.run.edu.ng and a host of others
Probe panel: Job opportunity for unemployed political hangers-on. See also, constitutional reform committee, Oputa panel e.t.c

That should be all for now, I have to get a full write-up to my girlfriend explaing the cause of my misconduct

The Curious Case Of Crappy Tattoos

A little-known fact about me: I love tattoos. So much so that I decided to get one strewn across by dick  during 1 of my crazy moments . While there is the chance I'll probably end up regretting it when my Nigerian metabolism begins to slow down and the b-boy inside my right bicep begins to do a handstand on either a varicose vein or stretch mark, I can at least take solace that I can still conceal them in case this music **** doesn't pan out and I have to go back to completing TPS reports for Waste Management while wearing a long-sleeve button-up and tie and earning mega wages.
Again.
If anything, I can credit for my mother for instilling a sense of professionalism during my rather intriguing upbringing, if only for the fact she raised me in a manner that would make her look "ideal" to her fellow Igbo associates. See, Nigerians - in all their email scamming, oil skimming, Nollywood glory - have this thing about them where they want to peacock for the public eye regardless of whatever fallacies are going on in their private lives. That's why the president of Nigeria's name is Goodluck Jonathan (Goodluck. ******* Jonathan.) of all things. It's also why my moms is scared that I'll **** around and ink my entire body, looking more like JR Smith than Christopher "Kid" Reid.
As a person who already has enough trouble going to the bank to make a deposit without getting a look from the teller that questions how I'm dropping off a decently sized paycheck every month while still dressed in the same oversized-yet-comfortable pajamas I've had since secondary school (people say the name of he school sounds like a malaria drug...that aside), I can wholeheartedly say that I'm not that stupid.
I can't speak for everybody, however, as you can see with sudden increase in half-wit rappers splaying tattoos on their faces as if they were OG Bobby Johnson. Perhaps convinced that they lack the intuition and know-how to sell crack rocks or the ability to shoot a wicked jump shot, they get inked up with the idea of making a "statement," "expressing creative individuality" or whatever faygo logic rappers think is innovative enough to explain the reason they got the equivalent of receiving a rim job from a poisonous cobra on their cheekbone.
Pause at that entire visual.
My mother won't ever have to worry that I would do something as outlandish as tattooing a body part that's immediately visible.

We as a ppl always fall for the trends hollywood wants us to follow. N!ggas are stupid. A tattoo on ur face means u dont want **** outta life,u dont want a career,u dont wanna be takin seriously,u are starving for attention and ur ignorant. Dont get me wrong i have a tattoo but it is coverable as well as visible (if u must know..its uyi's name nd its on my dick) L☺L . But these dummies (tyga,lil wayne,gucci,yg,nipsey hustle,baby,and ppl who think they are gonna be rappers or athletes for the rest of their lives)make us as a ppl look so stupid. Why would u put ink on ur face let alone ya whole body? Whitey likes when blackey is bamboozled by trends whitey gives black ppl. Stand out neva stand IN...FRESTOE HAS SPOKEN